I don’t care if you are a “dog trainer” with strong opinions or if you are religious about another topic. Strong feelings that back you into a corner where you can only see one road out will give you countless hours, days, weeks, months, and years of struggle. You are living in the past – which is not a healthy place to be.
You might have found something that gives you peace and comfort. Or there might be a topic that you have strong opinions on. Still, it’s crucial to understand that others are on a different journey – maybe one that will eventually bring them closer to the joy you feel – but from a different direction. Isn’t the point of life to find happiness, purpose, gratitude, and love?
It’s easier to find that comfortable place from the perspective that “everyone is doing the best they can do where they are in life at this time”—but sometimes finding that state of mind can be so challenging. We create many habits tied to negative emotions centered around how people act and live. Why not focus on ways to change our own uncomfortable and combative state (where our ego makes us feel that people are stupid)? Why can’t everyone have the same values I have – the ones that make me happy? Treating people poorly won’t change anything except make you look like a jerk. But it certainly won’t change anyone’s mind.
Once you realize that it is more challenging and more of a struggle to change the world (to make you happy,) the world around you starts to change. Listening to people willing to share ideas and opinions without judging your ideas and opinions can be an excellent opportunity to learn (even if it’s learning that you disagree).
It’s a hard lesson, but the change in the world comes from inside of us – with a different way of looking at the world. Curiosity is something that can make you look at people differently.
Living a happy life
My Dad lived until he was 92 years old and had strong opinions in many areas. I believe that the reason for his long life and happiness was threefold:
- He treated everyone the way he wanted to be treated (The Golden Rule) and made it the only rule for the players he coached over the years.
- He listened to people. One of his many incredible quotes was, “Be interested – not interesting.”
- He was curious. He was known to look at something subtle and ponder over it. I remember him holding a glass of water in awe, “Look at this glass of water. It’s clear. It’s beautiful. It’s refreshing. And it’s free. You turn on the faucet and it pours into a glass. It’s truly an amazing gift.”
One more life skill
Here’s one more life skill I’ve learned, and it’s a challenge to stay on top of this one:
- Avoid the conversation, continue scrolling, walk away, change the subject, or think about something else when you sense a negative emotion creeping up when dealing with a situation or someone with strong opinions (online, in person, over the phone, driving, etc.).
Refrain from defending, arguing, bashing, or welcoming any negative emotion. It won’t feel good and does nothing to help you or anyone else. Don’t participate in the discussion unless you can communicate respectfully and kindly.
Change the thoughts, change the emotions
A long time ago, I was upset when I saw a loose dog in the back of a pickup truck. Dog ABUSE! Doesn’t that person know that the dog could get thrown from the vehicle into traffic and be killed? It used to consume me when I would encounter this situation. I hated that feeling inside of me. What I did was to change the way I thought about it:
- The driver loved his dog so much that he wanted to take it with him.
- The dog wasn’t tied out and alone at home.
- How many times have I seen a dog get thrown out of a truck? The answer was none.
When I recreated different thoughts about the situation, it changed my perception, and that changed my emotions (which made me feel better).
Is there something in your life that creates a negative emotion? What can you do to change that? Can you come up with three counterarguments for it?
Beautifully written. I intend to share your father’s lessons on the beauty of water with my own children tomorrow while I also reframe thoughts. Thank you for sharing this.